blue nail paint & kohl

there was a strange metamorphosis

inside of me

that came about

with a little bit of kohl in my eyes

and a few dabs of dark blue nail paint 

on my fingertips.

the change is so amazing

and transcendental

that i cannot imagine 

how it was 

i lived before

i seem to be shedding 

the layers of padding

that i had wrapped myself in

as a caterpillar

sheds its cocoon

i keep finding myself

stating

and not asking

demanding and not

expecting

my no is so emphatic

my yes is so inviting

my niceness is nicer

my kindness is kinder

my heart is lighter

and my feet

are so much happier

so much do i owe 

to blue nail paint

and kohl.

Image Credit: Google Images

Big girl dreams

Like the color of my old jeans

all my little girl dreams

are faded, lackluster

Like my worn out running shoes

all my efforts are tired and lifeless

I guess I did not expect

my dreams to become

obsolete

I thought my old dreams

would last me my lifetime

But it is time

to get new jeans

and new shoes

To dream big girl dreams

and tread on new paths

I have learned

that I am not the same I was

yesterday

and will probably be different

tomorrow

so my dreams need to walk with me

this time I am not afraid

that they will fade

I now know

I can begin again

Image credit: Google Images

Elusive Perfection

I wish, I want,

I get.

But nothing seems perfect;

not everything,

not perfect.

I cannot always imagine it.

I imagine bits and pieces,

but somehow,

I do not see the whole image,

and so

maybe,

I get only pieces.     

Or it might have nothing

to do with my imagination.

This is all you get.

Perfection is always,

just 

beyond reach.

I can never decide.

Is it human nature,

is it the reality of life,

or is it me?

Image Credit: MADFAM

Salt in my Curry

 

spicy and mouthwatering
it's aroma spreading through my kitchen
my curry looked gorgeous
and smelt like heaven
until 
i took a bite

it was just a gob of vegetables
without flavor
and my carefully measured turmeric,
paprika and garam masala
had done nothing for it
because it lacked
salt

self respect is like salt
no matter how gorgeous and
deceptively delicious your life looks
it just doesn't feel 
whole

love, respect, and belief in self
makes everything taste better
and too much or too less of it can 
and will
spoil your curry

my only grievance
 is with all the women in my life

who taught so much about 

curries and masalas

but did not explain to me
that salt alone 
can do the trick
but without it
no other spice will matter
and my curry will feel
flavorless

Image Credit:

Google Images

Before I can be a grown up

When I was fifteen, I thought I knew a lot.
People called me mature for my age
I thought I was wise,
I thought I was grown up
But at eighteen, I definitely knew more
and I thought, now I am legally all grown up
Only to find out at twenty-three 
I knew so little
All my growing up was not helping me
tackle the curve life had thrown at me

At twenty-six I finally thought
that I had a grip
That, now, motherhood has made me wise,
I knew I was all grown.
"Ha!" laughed life in my face,
"You are such a child! Rushing to grow up!
Your arrogance shows your stupidity"

It's been a decade since then,
I have seen a lot,
I have understood a lot,
And yet,
I don't think that this is it
in fact, I am sure 
there is a lot more
for all that I know seems very little
the questions I am asked by life
leave me feeling inadequate and naive

so I don't think that this is it
there is a lot more
a lot more to tackle and withstand
a lot more to learn
many more wonders to discover
many more horrors to encounter
a lot more growing up to do
a lot more to endure 
a lot of silver to earn for my crown
yes, a lot more growing up to do
a lot more to learn
before I can be a grown up

Image Credit: MADFAM

The Texas Warmth

When we first moved to USA, things were not easy, but it was important for us to put our three-year-old in school. Being a naturally smart, curious and social kid, he loved school.

We did not own a car yet so we walked practically everywhere. On our walks, we used to pass a church about a mile away from our apartment. Outside the church, we had noticed this sign saying that they were accepting preschool registrations for the year. We thought we could try to get our son registered there. It was walkable and without a car, this school seemed like a really good option.

The next day, I called them to find out the process for enrollment. I went to the school with all the necessary paperwork and while talking to the secretary I mentioned that we had just moved from India, I was not working and my husband was a full-time student at the University of Texas. At this time, I don't know what prompted me but I asked her fi there was any way she could help me. She stepped out and came back in a few minutes and told me that the school was going to waive off registration fees and would enroll my son as a full-time preschooler for the fees of part timers! Since we had no income at that time and would be using our savings to pay for the preschool, this was a blessing and I could not thank them enough for their generosity. 

Longhorn in a Bluebonnet field

My son started school that fall. He and I walked the mile to school and back, whatever the weather. Soon it began to get colder and wetter, but we walked. Often our pants, shoes & socks would get damp, so I began to carry extra pairs of pants and socks for my son that I would make him change into once we had reached school. 

Sometime between Halloween and Thanksgiving, I got an email from someone who introduced herself as another parent with children going to the same school. In her email she said that she and some other parents carpooled their kids to school and would be happy to take my son along too. They had thought of everything – they told me that they had even managed to procure a spare car seat from some friends and all I had to do was keep my son ready every morning on time. I was so touched by their kindness and thoughtfulness. None of these women knew me, they only knew that I walked to school with my tot in the cold winter months and offered to help. Just like that!

The Principal of this school, Mrs. C was a seventy year old vibrant woman who had such intelligent, kind and smiling eyes that even the most timid child was able to connect with her. Every morning she was at the door welcoming all the children to school. I was amazed at how many of them she knew by name! One day, after I dropped off my son, she struck up a conversation with me and asked me what I thought would my son like to dress up as for their musical event in the coming month. I told her that I had not thought about it yet. “Don’t worry, I have some ideas”, she said. The next day she had a basket with a big buckled belt, cowboy hat, and a red scarf. She told me how to put on the scarf and to make my son wear jeans and a checkered shirt. Needless to say, my three-year-old made the cutest cowboy ever!

After that, Mrs. C and I would often talk. She would tell me about little things, the knowledge of which would make my life easier and adjust to life in America, faster. In one such conversation, she asked me if I had been to the public library yet. I had not. The very next day she drove me to the nearby branch of the library, helped me become a member and drove me home! The library was only a few bus stops away from where we lived and it became one of my favorite places to spend time, especially when it got too wet, cold or hot outside. 

One day, Mrs C called me and said she was calling to me from below my apartment! She had loaded the back of her car with books, toys, DVDs, drawing paper and a big box of crayons. She brought all that for my son because she figured that we must not have a lot of kid stuff. So she just brought her grandchildren’s old things for us. I was left quite speechless at this sweet gesture! This kind lady was suffering the pain of her own first born dying of cancer at this time and she worried if my three-year-old gets to dress up just like the other kids or has toys to play with at home!

Kindness does not see nationality, color, religion, language or any other difference. Our very first experience of America was the warmth, welcome and the many kindnesses shown by the people at this school. 

Image Credit: Google Images

Patang

This spring we went out to the park to fly kites, here in Dallas. I taught my eight year old to fly one. It made me so proud that he picked it up quickly and I couldn’t help but think that “It’s in the blood”! This bright, cheerful day with the clear sunny sky and lovely breeze brought back so many memories of my kite flying days as a kid. 

Each January, for twenty-three years of my life, I have flown kites with family and friends. I don’t think it ever occurred to me that I could chose to not do this. It was tradition! The passion for kite flying and the celebration of Uttarayan in Ahmedabad is not just about honoring a religious and cultural event, it is almost a mania! If you grew up in this city, there isn’t much chance of you not graduating with Kite flying skills!

On the day or Uttarayan and Vasi Uttarayan, there would be free flow of hot snacks, tea & coffee, chilled water and sodas and the traditional chikkis. The competition was not just about the kite flying and who would keep the Patang in the air the most, or how many would you demolish from the competition for the small patch of sky that is your arena, by cutting them mid-flight (pech), but also about who played the latest and loudest music. The hoots and shouts and screams of victory or frustration were constant and exciting. The atmosphere was as crowded with all kinds emotions of everyone as the skies were crowded with the gorgeous and colorful kites.

As a really young kid, I started off at the very bottom of the kite flying hierarchy – passing around chikkis to the Kite fliers and the phirki holders but mostly just eating them myself! My mother who did not grow up in Gujarat and had not been into this sport so much until she got married, was soon well trained by my father to be a great ‘untangler of manja’ and of course a phirki holder! I am not sure if mom was never too keen on the actual kite flying or dad just didn’t teach her well enough so that he would always have a phirki holder ready! 

Soon us kids grew up enough to be trained in the art of detangling manja and holding the phirki the right way – anticipating the needs of the kite flyer and staying alert, avoiding crashing into other flyers and phirki holders, avoiding manja tangles, or if necessary detangling immediately, keeping a sharp eye on whether to reel in the manja or let loose? Oh it was not an easy task. Papa used to fly the kite high enough and when steady in the sky with no immediate threat (other kites) visible in the area, he would call us to fly the kite for a bit. He began to teach us how to keep the kite steady, how to tug at it only when it’s tip was facing upwards so that it stays up, how to let the string loose and let it go higher up in the sky when the wind was in your favor. As we did better with these basic skills, he began to teach us how to put the kite in air from the ground. That is a great skill too – to be actually able to fly the kite from the ground. The coolest skill in my mind though, was the sky high kite wars – pech – as it is called in Gujarati.

I think I was about 11 or 12 when I finally learnt to put a kite up in the air without any help. Oh what an achievement that was! I felt one with the winners, the big shots, the guys. The kite flyers club is one that everyone on the terraces wanted to belong to. And you needed the skills, to get that promotion from phirki holding! The first Uttarayan that I was flying kites on my own was one of the best for me! It was exhilarating to see my kite fly so high up that one could barely see it. The feeling of pride and satisfaction is so high, it made me feel like it was me soaring high up in the sky with the birds and not my kite. 

While flying that kite in a park in Dallas with my son, what struck me was the wonder in my son’s eyes when he saw his kite flying high in the sky. The beautiful smile on his face, the pride in his brow and the squeals of delight and laughter when he managed to fly his kite higher! It reminded me so much of how I felt when I was in his place. Oh isn’t it the best thing in the world? To be able to fly a tiny kite in the vast blue sky – feels like touching the sky with the tip of your finger! 

This experience is so different from what it was for me in my childhood. There are no pech and no chikki, the kites are made of plastic with cartoons on them and the manja is actually a much softer and shorter string and we are often the only people in the park flying kites, none of that matters. Because when I go kite flying with my family, in my mind, I am transported to the good times of my childhood and the pleasure that it gives my child is more than anything I can ask for. For all that, I am grateful. 

Photo Credits:

MAD Family

No Judgement on Mothers

Have you ever...

Cooked dinner while letting your toddler enjoy a nice long bath in the kitchen sink while letting the older one be your 'sous chef'.

Learnt to enjoy everything and anything animated that the kids' channel shows?

Showered with your bathroom door open so that you can keep an ear on your little ones?

Cringed with terror at the premonition of a meltdown?

Stayed up nights because you could not bear to put your sick angel down, pushed through the days until your baby got over their bug and then started to look like a zombie yourself with very dark circles and droopy eyes?

Eaten your kids’ candy?

Spent the whole day prepping your kids a zillion times on good behavior so that you can enjoy dinner at this nice restaurant with your friends. Bless your stars that everything was going as you dreamed. And the minute you let your guard down, they begin to behave like they must be related to Maugli and what's worse is that the friends' kids have also joined the party!

Dropped them to school in your pajamas just in time and breathed a sigh of relief only to realize that now you will have to get out of the car in your pajamas because one of them forgot their lunch on the back seat?

Been thoroughly embarrassed by your kids innocently asking you in public that you won’t buy them some trivial junk that they like because “are we poor”?

Had people in restaurants, stores, malls, theaters, in queues for whatever it might be, roll their eyes at you for not keeping your kids under better control? And of course the kids - and more often than not, even their dad, the grown kid - are not helping your case!!

Got so hungry after a packed day that instead of cooking an adult dinner, you end up eating what you cooked for the kids with as much relish as they did?!

Hunted for your old math book in vain and then finally looked up on the internet all the questions that your child asked you and needed answers to and you could not remember your elementary school math to save your life!     

          

Finished your kids’ school projects like an elf after everyone goes to bed?

Of course it was Santa who left the presents under the tree and of course it was the tooth fairy who left the money under the pillow and you bet, that cops can put children in jail for being mean to their parents or their siblings!! There is absolutely no asparagus, broccoli, spinach or anything green under that cheesy bite! And yes I absolutely love the necklace you made out of plastic beads and the drawing on the fridge is a masterpiece (even though I do not know what you meant to draw there!).

Came back from a kids’ party, furious and fuming because one or more of the kids was behaved very badly and their parents did not think to curb their misbehavior while your child suffered. And the irony is that your child is not that bothered and is giving you reasons to calm down and let it go and well that just makes your more furious with yourself for losing it and at those people who made you lose it in the first place!

All your electronics have kids’ videos, kids’ music, kids’ games. Everywhere! Car, computer, tablet, phone, any and all radio and video players. Everywhere!

Woke up feeling like the evil witch, with every part of your body aching because someone was being a 'scaredy-cat' and squeezed themselves into your bed in the middle of the night? Whats more, they hijacked your blanket, spun around clockwise and then anticlockwise and then nearly kicked you out of your own bed!

Have you gone to the car, packed your kids in, only to find you forgot the baby’s bag and rushed back to get that and remember that you forgot your own bag and rushed back to get that, and coming back to the car you see he wore flip flops in the winter and his toes will freeze so you rush back for socks and shoes and oh yes grab water and don’t forget the keys and finally you are sitting in the car all set to go, you pull out of the driveway and damn! Where is your phone? Did you leave it upstairs in the bedroom or is it in the kitchen? You park the car again, rush to get your phone, you are so late and finally you are out on your way but alas, you have not had breakfast and you don’t have time to stop for coffee and that’s just the beginning of your day?! 

Prayed for the holidays to be over and school to reopen because if you have to answer one more time, "I am bored, what do I do now?", you just might have to punch the wall?

You never leave the house without snacks and water and half the time you are not sure if it will be useful for you or the kids!

Said these words more times than you can count: Yes I think you are pretty. Yes I think you are smart. Yes I think you look awesome. Yes I think you can do it. Yes I think you have a good choice. Yes I think you can become a scientist. Yes you are very funny. Yes you would be a great magician.

Oh the list goes on....and on and on! Sometimes we manage to make it look like

a breeze, and sometimes we look like train wrecks. But we do what it takes and we do it all. We are hassled, we are frazzled. We often take on more than we can possibly handle, and we almost always surprise ourselves with our own capability. And we are happy...Every hug from our children - no matter what their age - every smile, every kiss, every pat,every tickle that makes us squeal, every squeeze that leaves us breathless, every jump that leaves us gasping, every boo that we pretend to be scared of, makes our day the greatest one ever and every moment in it, absolutely worth it. 

Doing what we do, if we look a little Mad, we really don't care as long as our children are happy and healthy of mind, body and soul. If we are judged, we are too busy to really notice much. And if one of you is judging us, well you don't know how much fun we are having living our lives while you are wasting yours judging people. So, don't judge us, cheer us on, because what we do is not an easy feat. 

Photo Credits:
MAD Family

Summer in Seattle

The summer of 2014, my husband had been travelling to Seattle, Washington for his work. When he couldn't stop talking about how beautiful it was there, we decided to join him once school broke for summer – it would let us get away from the harsh Texas heat and we would get to be together as a family for two whole months. So we packed our bags and flew to this green haven of lovely weather and picturesque views everywhere. Best decision we could have made!!

After the long and exhausting flight from Dallas to Seattle, the ride from the airport to our temporary home for the summer was surprisingly refreshing! The lavishly green trees, the rising mountains, the splattering of water sparkling in the setting sun, peeping out of the trees and buildings every now and then! Simply beautiful! As soon as we moved in, we dived into our exploration of this lovely place.

The Greater Seattle Area is fabulous. There are so many things to see and experience that although we spent practically every weekend exploring that summer, we still did not cover everything on our list. Here, I am sharing with you some of the places we explored.  

A really fun place especially for curious cats is the Pike Place Market, a farmers market where you can purchase some really unique and fresh fruits, flowers, vegetables, seafood, meat, pickles, jams and preserves.  There are nurseries of unique and gorgeous plants. Talented artists selling handmade artwork, beautiful embroidered and painted stuff, handmade jewelry, several arts and crafts that could adorn your space stunningly. After exploring through the market, you can eat some very interesting foods sold on food stands that are mouthwatering and delicious enough to make you want to keep coming back. 

On Pike street is the First Starbucks Café established in 1971. Of course the coffee tastes the same at all the Starbuck’s cafes but the fun is in the quint décor. They have still maintained some of the original flavor of the café from years ago along with providing us the modern comforts that we always expect from a Starbucks like Wi-Fi.  Although almost always crowded, we were lucky enough to find seats and have our coffees in peace.

The Seattle Great Wheel on pier 57 is one giant ferris wheel one must ride! The wheel extends nearly 40 feet beyond the end of the pier, over Elliott Bay and the view is just breathtaking. As the story goes, Seattle businessman Hal Griffith had envisioned a Ferris wheel in the city for nearly 30 years, but finally on June 29, 2012 his dream came true and the Seattle Great Wheel was opened to public. It is the largest observation wheel on the west coast. It is 175 feet tall with 42 fully enclosed gondolas with the capacity to hold over 300 passengers at a time. The wheel is open all year round and as we experienced, it is fun to ride especially in the rain!

So many popular television shows and movies open with a shot of the Seattle skyline featuring The Space Needle prime and center. It is no wonder that when we think of Seattle we immediately visualize the Space Needle. A major landmark of the city, it was quite a grant feat by The Pentagram Corporation (now called Space Needle LLC) to have created this 605 ft. structure in under a year in 1962. 

The Space Needle has lovely revolving restaurant and a wonderful viewing deck from where the downtown Seattle skyline, Olympic and Cascade Mountains, Mount Rainier, Mount Baker, Elliott Bay and surrounding islands are visible. Although we adults enjoyed the viewing deck more, my eight year old was simply thrilled by the elevator ride up and down! The Chihuly Garden & Glass is a museum in Seattle Center, right next door to the Space Needle. It showcases the brilliant and colorful glass exhibit of interior designer, artist and businessman Dale Chihuly. Since we had not seen any other Chihuly exhibits before, this one really impressed us!

Another place that impressed us was the Olympic Sculpture Park on Western Avenue in downtown Seattle not very far from Pier 69. This park faces Elliot Bay and consists of 9 acre outdoor sculpture museum and beach. A free admission public park with both permanent and visiting installations, it is a unique institution in the United States. Not only is the view from the park spectacular, the contemporary sculptures that it features are also quite awe inspiring. 

A network of underground passageways and basements, gives a view of the ground level at the city’s origin in the mid-19^th century. After the street levels were elevated these spaces fell into disuse but have become a tourist attraction. In 1965, local citizen Bill Speidel recognized the interest and profit these underground ruins might hold and started the Seattle Underground Tour at Pioneer Square. As the history of the city’s origin goes, a fire in 1889 was the cause of all the consecutive changes which led to what we see as the city today. The fire that destroyed 31 blocks of the old city, was not that damaging but there were other issues. The drainage system at that time dumped the waste of the city into the bay and that would often be let back on the beach when the tide rose and eventually ebbed. Fires were also common at that time and hence the city’s leaders mandated that all new construction must be with stone and mortar instead of wood.  When you go on the underground tour, which only takes tourists in some of these underground constructions which are deemed safe, the stories told by the guides not only have a funny twist to them, but few of them do seem quite obviously tall tales.

Although, I have only chronicled those places that we visited in Seattle, there are many many more things to do here. But the great state of Washington has some absolutely-do-not-miss places of which we checked out a few. 

About forty minutes away from Seattle are the 270-foot Snoqualmie Falls in Snoqualmie, WA. The falls are such a glorious surprise. Although one might say that one waterfall is not that different from others, there’s something about the aura of this 270 feet fall which is quite breathtaking. We were lucky to be at the falls at sunset and the view was so exquisite that I do not find words to describe it! The drive up the green mountains with their quirky, curvy roads and the mountain tops, the blue sky and the glittering silver of water peeking in every now and then was a visual feast! 

The vineyards in Woodinville are also worth visiting. There are some great wines to be tasted and enjoyed at places like Chateau Ste. Michelle Winery but some of the restaurants around here serve food that is just out of this world. 

The Boeing Factory – Future of Flight Tour at Mulkiteo, WA was definitely not a place we could

miss. Especially with my two guys who are all about planes and flight simulation games. After all that excitement, just about ten minutes away from the museum, is a tranquil picnic spot called the Mulkiteo Lighthouse Park where we hung out for a bit and just soaked the sun watching e the expansive view of the dazzling turquoise blue water and the picturesque lighthouse. 

All of these wonderful places had been quite an adventure for us. Yet the highlight of our summer was yet to come: Whale Watching at Friday Harbor, San Juan Islands. Taking the Victoria Clipper from Seattle’s Pier 69, we left late morning on a bright and sunny day.  The cruise was very scenic and also gave us a chance to observe wildlife like seals, otters porpoises and sea lions on our way to Friday Harbor. The clipper dropped us at the Friday Harbor Market for a couple hours before we left to see the Orcas. The market area close to the dock has some quaint places to eat and shop along with

a couple of benches and gazebos to hang out and enjoy the delicious ice creams available right there! 

Once we were on our way to the Pacific Ocean where the Orcas were, it was difficult to contain our excitement! Everyone on the clipper was bursting with anticipation, clamoring to the decks and windows, cameras ready to click at the slightest movement in the water. To our delight, all that to-do was absolutely worth it when we were actually able to see the Orcas out there in the wild open sea. 

We saw a family of six happily frolicking around about a 100 yards from where we were, which is about as close as tourists are allowed to go to these ‘Free Willys’! At first these whales which actually belong to the dolphin family, were calmly swimming around and then out of the blue (see what I did there!) they were diving in and out of the water, playing around, calling each other and having a thoroughly fun time, leaving us breathless, speechless and quite in awe! I have to admit, all of us on the decks were also going quite crazy trying to get some good pictures of these gorgeous creatures at their dancing best. 

It was humbling to be out there in the deep blue ocean, the home of the Orcas, watching them live their lives like the free spirits they are. It felt like we were fans, ogling at these celebrities who

were putting on a show for us happily basking in the limelight and the bright yellow sun. These majestic creatures are so elegant, so staid, sometimes so lethal and yet so childlike and innocent in the way they play around and have fun with their family. I would recommend everyone to do this at least once in their life. This was one of the very few times in my life that I have felt close to animals living in their natural habitat and it is astonishing to feel the happy vibes you get from them, living their natural life prospering and free, just the way they were meant to be! 

We still have many wonders to discover in the state of Washington which is full of such big and small surprises made by man and nature. This trip though was one of the most enjoyable ever. Every weekend of the summer was more exciting than the last.

All photo-credits belong to the MAD family!

Websites we used to plan our adventures:

http://www.pikeplacemarket.org/

http://seattlegreatwheel.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olympic_Sculpture_Park

http://www.seattleartmuseum.org/visit/olympic-sculpture-park

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Underground

http://undergroundtour.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snoqualmie_Falls

http://www.snoqualmiefalls.com/

https://www.ste-michelle.com/

http://www.visitsanjuans.com/the-islands/friday-harbor

http://www.futureofflight.org/

http://www.spaceneedle.com/home/

http://www.chihulygardenandglass.com/

http://www.tripadvisor.com/

She deserved it!

A while ago in India, we all heard of a woman brutally gang raped and beaten. The public raised a huge hue and cry for this cruelty and demanded justice. Since then the media has been constantly picking up news about rapes, killings and other forms of abuse on women. It is not that crimes against women are suddenly on the rise, sadly, they are coming to light now and the media is talking about it more than ever.

When actress Kalki Koechlin & VJ Juhi Panjey created the satirical video “Rape? It’s your fault women!”, it went viral. Many women in India and abroad saw it and applauded these celebrities loudly for talking about a cause that is real and that continues to hurt women practically their whole lives.  We all shared this video and other videos, blogs, stories, news repeatedly because the tiny voice inside of us was finally allowed to speak out the truth and all the tiny voices combined together began to form a big loud voice. If you still haven’t seen this video (which I really doubt) here is the link: Rape? It's your fault women!*¹

The reasons they talk about in this video, for why it is the woman’s fault when she is violated are not jokes. These are actually reasons given by society (including men who are close relatives of these women as well as other women) to women/girls who are abused. Girls learn at a very young age what the “dirty look” looks like. So many girls learn so quickly to deal with and if possible avoid “eve teasing*²” often before they hit their teens. I have a serious problem with this absolutely inappropriate phrase “eve teasing”. This phrase does not begin to cover the lewd and obscene behavior women have to put up with since they are very young.  At least have the guts to call it what it is – Molestation.

Rape, child sexual abuse, public sexual aggression, sexual harassment at work places and everywhere are such cruelties of this real world – the world I grew up in, the world my girl-friends grew up in – that girls have changed themselves, their way of living and thinking,  their ambitions, their aspirations, everything. So many women have suffered pain, depression and so many have committed suicide. Some have become cruel themselves and in turn behave cruelly towards others. But all of them bury these experiences deep, because either they are too ashamed or afraid to talk about it or, no one will listen, no one will take it seriously and worst of all they will be told that it is their own fault!

Women can accomplish so much, we already proved that several times over. Yet we all live in fear – we all find ourselves teaching our daughters to be careful, to be smart, to be alert. We worry when they rebel and fear when they want to dress up like the latest model. Ironically, we cross our fingers and hope with all our hearts that their innocence stays with them for as long as possible.

Girls should not have to grow up like this. Women should not have to live like this. Life should not be tougher because of your gender. We should not need the reservation that government offers in the first place. Women are as much a part and a building block of the society as men. Strength should not be measured in terms of who can bully whom, who can abuse whom, who can take advantage of whom, who can brutalize whom!

I say, She, DID NOT DESERVE IT! Nobody Deserves it!! There is never a good reason for anyone to deserve it!!  A 5^th grade girl should not have her skirt tugged at. A girl who barely wears a beginner’s bra should not have her delicate, not yet fully developed breasts mauled in public. A group of girls walking on the street need not hear catcalls and whistles. A woman enjoying the beach with her family should not suddenly find herself with some strange man’s member touching her and vile words falling in her ears. A relative should not be teaching the “fun” in life to any child. An old man, who barely has any strength or teeth in his mouth should not think it is okay for him to leer, touch, molest any woman just because!!

These are very few examples of incidents that have actually happened to a few of my women friends*³ who were willing to speak about their experiences. When they were describing these incidents, the looks on their faces and the fire in their voices said so much more than the words from their mouth. And to tell you the truth, they reflected the fury I feel inside of me.

It is time to talk about it girls. Talk about it to anyone and everyone who will listen. Talk about it to your friends and colleagues. Talk about it to your husbands and in laws and brothers and sisters and parents. Most of all, talk about it to your children. Teach them to be better, stronger, respectful, kind and considerate. Let us change this attitude and the best place to start is from our inner most circle. Let’s talk about it now because She Did Not Deserve it!!!

Sources and Links:

1. You Tube Video feat. Kalki Koechlin & Juhi Pandey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hC0Ng_ajpY
2. Wikipedia - Eve Teasing: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eve_teasing
3. The women I spoke with remain unnamed because they are so much more than just being victims of  molestation that it would be unfair to them if they are known only for that.
4. Image credit: thylovelyseed.tumblr.com post: life-by-george-herbert

Vegetarian in Texas

Yes! I am a vegetarian in Texas and maybe some of you don’t think it’s a big deal – believe me it’s an adventure in itself! A state which is famous for dishes like Breakfast Tacos, Chicken Fried Steak, Barbeque Beef Brisket, Pork Ribs, Hamburgers, Texas Chili, King Ranch Casserole and TexMex like Burritos & Fajitas – typically beef or chicken, what does a vegetarian do?!

But let me begin by explaining the difference between vegetarianism and veganism.

Vegans are people who have chosen to not eat any animal product – that includes seafood, eggs, dairy and any kind of meat. Some vegans, in protest of animal cruelty, refuse to use animal products like leather, wool, silk, fur, down and animal tested products.

On the other hand, Vegetarians are people who choose to abstain from any kind of red or white meat and seafood. Some of us do eat eggs and all vegetarians consume milk and milk products.

Now that that is clear, here is something else I came across in Texas which was new to me (having lived in a majorly vegetarian society most of my life):  A lot of meat eaters find a plant-based diet strange and in fact baffling.  There are so many misconceptions that they have about vegetarians, like – “Then you must be undernourished? Do you take supplements? Or you must eat all the time since how much can plants and veggies fill you up?” They keep looking at me with a huge question mark on their face, “So then what do you eat?!” Till date it cracks me up! I keep thinking, if I have been doing this for my whole life, don’t you think I have it down by now? And I am alive, healthy and thriving so stop looking at me like I might fall down and faint any second!!

Not that everyone is like that, but I have met a fair share of non-vegetarians who have not had the opportunity to know of a way of life which includes an absolutely different kind of cuisine and food groups. They don't know that fruits and vegetables can actually satisfy all of your nutritional needs and is in fact proven by research to be a healthier way of living (refer to link below). That it is not such an absurd choice but in fact a very humane choice – since it means avoiding killing and slaughtering of animals.

Thankfully, today there are so many choices available to vegetarians even in a state like Texas. (Let me specify here that within Texas, I have mostly been to the more cosmopolitan cities like Austin, Houston, San Antonio & the Dallas Fort Worth Area). The popularity of international cuisines has made vegetarian choices available not only in restaurants but also at grocery outlets. This means ease and choice for vegetarians. If I had moved to America 15 years ago, I would have had to cook everything myself, from scratch, and hardly ever go out to eat at restaurants. Trust me, I am so glad that wasn’t the way my life worked out!

Most eateries today have a few vegetarian dishes on their menu now. And most of them are willing to make substitutions in one or more of their dishes. Of course we have had a few misadventures too in our eating out ventures where, in spite of specifying, "no fish or meat", we might have something fishy or meaty put in front of us. And so, this really matters - and a vegan/vegetarian would really feel this - is that more and more now, the servers and the kitchen actually understand what we mean when we say ‘vegetarian’.  They actually remember to tell us that apart from the meat that we asked to substitute, there may be fish sauce or chicken stock in the side that we chose.. 

As the world is moving towards healthier lifestyle and the American society is getting more and more conscious of their youth, I have now noticed that several Kids’ Menus now have really healthy choices too. No more just meat, wheat and cheese combinations like pizza, mac n cheese or grilled cheese sandwich accompanied with canned fruit, fries, chips, cheese sticks etc. Now there are often real kids’ size salads, choice of sandwiches with veggies in them, pizza with toppings available (other than just pepperoni), soups are available and even for sides there are choices like steamed edamame, steamed broccoli and other veggies and real fresh fruits.

At this rate, I am hopeful that vegetarians and vegans will not have to pack lunches for themselves or their kids for work and school respectively because soon enough there will be enough choices available for everyone everywhere!

REFERENCES:

http://facts.randomhistory.com/facts-about-vegetarianism-and-veganism.html

Why do I love Murder Mysteries and Detective Stories so much?

It is so exciting when, at the end of a storybook, the mystery is solved and the culprit is found and punished for his crime. The suspense created by the authors of some of the books I have read has been ‘nail-biting’ and ‘hair-raising’ as they say in the reviews and book covers! I have stayed up nights and forgotten to eat meals for my love of murder mysteries. When I am in the grip of one, I am transported to the land and the time where it all happens. I am compelled to keep turning the pages to find out what happens next.

Nothing beats a juicy, suspenseful, intricately woven plot with all the complexity of the human nature and circumstantial phenomenon that would lead the crime investigator to the actual culprit. There is also a spine chilling revelation of how shallow and hollow human nature can be and how little it takes for one to kill another.

I love detective stories the most because, in these stories the protagonist will, with the help of her or his observation and deduction powers, come to some astounding truths and thus put the whole picture together, solving the whodunit with an adroitness and finesse that never fails to impress me. Of course the smarter the adversary or antagonist, the more exciting the story. I have always loved to hate the villain in the stories that I read.

Amongst all the books that I have read, I think Agatha Christie’s  books are by far my favorite. I love her creations Monsieur Poirot and Miss Marple. Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle comes a close second though. Both these authors have developed such extraordinary characters – these crime detectors! They are human of course with not one or two but several human faults – Poirot is strange in his own way with his quirks and his vanity always brought out in the mysteries whereas Sherlock’s idiosyncrasies and his restlessness, his abruptness with others and complete disregard for social norms and formalities is also shown as a part of his character in his stories. Since these super intelligent detectives themselves are shown as not above human peculiarities, these books are much more believable for me and the characters much more lovable. It makes it easy for me to want them to win against the bad guys.

I have been trying to analyze why I love murder mysteries so much. One reason I think is that it always has a happy ending. The Hero or Heroine always wins in the end, capturing the villain and throwing him or her to the authorities. The balance is back and justice is served. The second reason I think is that I love the process of solving the puzzle. It is the puzzle that needs to be intriguing for me to really love a murder mystery. The third reason I believe is my fascination with how the human mind works – I am amazed by the crookedness of the evil mind as well as the ability to conceive what the evil mind might have thought, and bravery of the sound mind. I am shocked by observing the lengths to which these fictional characters can go to – either to commit the crime or to find out who, what and why of the crime.

I do think that writing about such stories takes a different kind of genius and I thank all those fictional crime writers and the authors of the detective stories for working so hard in giving us exciting novels to read and enjoy in our daily lives, in our travels, in our moments of frustrations and in our times of peace!

The Queen….No, The Queen Maker!

Who am I talking about? No, no, it’s not a politician! I am talking about Mrs. Tarla Dalal the famous  food writer, chef and best-selling cookbook author, whose creations and published recipes have turned many wives, daughters, daughters in law and well, the truth is, even sons, into Queens... and Kings of the kitchen!

She changed the scene of cooking and the kitchens of India, introducing not just a huge variety or regional cuisine throughout the nation, but also international cuisine, into an ordinary Indian kitchen and into everyday eating.  She was so successful because she resonated with dozens and dozens of women all over the country and her strong sense of flavor and knowledge of the Indian palate blew the minds of everyone who ate creations made from her recipes.

In spite of having been cooking several different dishes from a variety of cuisines (and cookbooks) for the past decade, I have to say that every time I recreate a recipe from Dalal’s books, it feels like I am transported into my mom’s kitchen where as young girls, my sister and I used to try and cook some of her recipes on our own and with mom’s encouraging (but secretly scared for her kitchen) eyes on us!

When you prepare food by following her recipes, you do not get scared, overwhelmed or intimidated. Her recipes are easy to follow, well explained and so close to the taste of your family, it almost always is a success. No matter which one you pick, it is always delicious, winning you lots of praise from your friends and family. Now, if she earned you the title of ‘Queen of the Kitchen’, wouldn't you agree she is most definitely 'The Queen Maker’!!

Dalal has many feathers on her hat. She has written over 100 books that cover topics like baby food, regional cuisines of India, healthy as well as low fat food, international cuisine, fun and healthy food for children, desserts, drinks, snacks, and everything you can think of! She has her website, has had her own shows like ‘Cook it up with Tarla Dalal’ and ‘Tarla Dalal Show’, publishes a bimonthly magazine, ‘Cooking & More’ and has even been awarded the Padma Shree in 2007.

A sweet Gujarati housewife who transformed into a business woman, a celebrity and an inspiration to so many women and one of my personal heroes, I think Dalal has a lot to teach us. I would love to know what was her motivation, her struggle, her ambition, her life,  while she was on her way to success….

References:
Wikipedia: Tarla Dalal
Way2k.com: Master Chef Tarla Dalal