She deserved it!

A while ago in India, we all heard of a woman brutally gang raped and beaten. The public raised a huge hue and cry for this cruelty and demanded justice. Since then the media has been constantly picking up news about rapes, killings and other forms of abuse on women. It is not that crimes against women are suddenly on the rise, sadly, they are coming to light now and the media is talking about it more than ever.

When actress Kalki Koechlin & VJ Juhi Panjey created the satirical video “Rape? It’s your fault women!”, it went viral. Many women in India and abroad saw it and applauded these celebrities loudly for talking about a cause that is real and that continues to hurt women practically their whole lives.  We all shared this video and other videos, blogs, stories, news repeatedly because the tiny voice inside of us was finally allowed to speak out the truth and all the tiny voices combined together began to form a big loud voice. If you still haven’t seen this video (which I really doubt) here is the link: Rape? It's your fault women!*¹

The reasons they talk about in this video, for why it is the woman’s fault when she is violated are not jokes. These are actually reasons given by society (including men who are close relatives of these women as well as other women) to women/girls who are abused. Girls learn at a very young age what the “dirty look” looks like. So many girls learn so quickly to deal with and if possible avoid “eve teasing*²” often before they hit their teens. I have a serious problem with this absolutely inappropriate phrase “eve teasing”. This phrase does not begin to cover the lewd and obscene behavior women have to put up with since they are very young.  At least have the guts to call it what it is – Molestation.

Rape, child sexual abuse, public sexual aggression, sexual harassment at work places and everywhere are such cruelties of this real world – the world I grew up in, the world my girl-friends grew up in – that girls have changed themselves, their way of living and thinking,  their ambitions, their aspirations, everything. So many women have suffered pain, depression and so many have committed suicide. Some have become cruel themselves and in turn behave cruelly towards others. But all of them bury these experiences deep, because either they are too ashamed or afraid to talk about it or, no one will listen, no one will take it seriously and worst of all they will be told that it is their own fault!

Women can accomplish so much, we already proved that several times over. Yet we all live in fear – we all find ourselves teaching our daughters to be careful, to be smart, to be alert. We worry when they rebel and fear when they want to dress up like the latest model. Ironically, we cross our fingers and hope with all our hearts that their innocence stays with them for as long as possible.

Girls should not have to grow up like this. Women should not have to live like this. Life should not be tougher because of your gender. We should not need the reservation that government offers in the first place. Women are as much a part and a building block of the society as men. Strength should not be measured in terms of who can bully whom, who can abuse whom, who can take advantage of whom, who can brutalize whom!

I say, She, DID NOT DESERVE IT! Nobody Deserves it!! There is never a good reason for anyone to deserve it!!  A 5^th grade girl should not have her skirt tugged at. A girl who barely wears a beginner’s bra should not have her delicate, not yet fully developed breasts mauled in public. A group of girls walking on the street need not hear catcalls and whistles. A woman enjoying the beach with her family should not suddenly find herself with some strange man’s member touching her and vile words falling in her ears. A relative should not be teaching the “fun” in life to any child. An old man, who barely has any strength or teeth in his mouth should not think it is okay for him to leer, touch, molest any woman just because!!

These are very few examples of incidents that have actually happened to a few of my women friends*³ who were willing to speak about their experiences. When they were describing these incidents, the looks on their faces and the fire in their voices said so much more than the words from their mouth. And to tell you the truth, they reflected the fury I feel inside of me.

It is time to talk about it girls. Talk about it to anyone and everyone who will listen. Talk about it to your friends and colleagues. Talk about it to your husbands and in laws and brothers and sisters and parents. Most of all, talk about it to your children. Teach them to be better, stronger, respectful, kind and considerate. Let us change this attitude and the best place to start is from our inner most circle. Let’s talk about it now because She Did Not Deserve it!!!

Sources and Links:

1. You Tube Video feat. Kalki Koechlin & Juhi Pandey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hC0Ng_ajpY
2. Wikipedia - Eve Teasing: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eve_teasing
3. The women I spoke with remain unnamed because they are so much more than just being victims of  molestation that it would be unfair to them if they are known only for that.
4. Image credit: thylovelyseed.tumblr.com post: life-by-george-herbert