She deserved it!

A while ago in India, we all heard of a woman brutally gang raped and beaten. The public raised a huge hue and cry for this cruelty and demanded justice. Since then the media has been constantly picking up news about rapes, killings and other forms of abuse on women. It is not that crimes against women are suddenly on the rise, sadly, they are coming to light now and the media is talking about it more than ever.

When actress Kalki Koechlin & VJ Juhi Panjey created the satirical video “Rape? It’s your fault women!”, it went viral. Many women in India and abroad saw it and applauded these celebrities loudly for talking about a cause that is real and that continues to hurt women practically their whole lives.  We all shared this video and other videos, blogs, stories, news repeatedly because the tiny voice inside of us was finally allowed to speak out the truth and all the tiny voices combined together began to form a big loud voice. If you still haven’t seen this video (which I really doubt) here is the link: Rape? It's your fault women!*¹

The reasons they talk about in this video, for why it is the woman’s fault when she is violated are not jokes. These are actually reasons given by society (including men who are close relatives of these women as well as other women) to women/girls who are abused. Girls learn at a very young age what the “dirty look” looks like. So many girls learn so quickly to deal with and if possible avoid “eve teasing*²” often before they hit their teens. I have a serious problem with this absolutely inappropriate phrase “eve teasing”. This phrase does not begin to cover the lewd and obscene behavior women have to put up with since they are very young.  At least have the guts to call it what it is – Molestation.

Rape, child sexual abuse, public sexual aggression, sexual harassment at work places and everywhere are such cruelties of this real world – the world I grew up in, the world my girl-friends grew up in – that girls have changed themselves, their way of living and thinking,  their ambitions, their aspirations, everything. So many women have suffered pain, depression and so many have committed suicide. Some have become cruel themselves and in turn behave cruelly towards others. But all of them bury these experiences deep, because either they are too ashamed or afraid to talk about it or, no one will listen, no one will take it seriously and worst of all they will be told that it is their own fault!

Women can accomplish so much, we already proved that several times over. Yet we all live in fear – we all find ourselves teaching our daughters to be careful, to be smart, to be alert. We worry when they rebel and fear when they want to dress up like the latest model. Ironically, we cross our fingers and hope with all our hearts that their innocence stays with them for as long as possible.

Girls should not have to grow up like this. Women should not have to live like this. Life should not be tougher because of your gender. We should not need the reservation that government offers in the first place. Women are as much a part and a building block of the society as men. Strength should not be measured in terms of who can bully whom, who can abuse whom, who can take advantage of whom, who can brutalize whom!

I say, She, DID NOT DESERVE IT! Nobody Deserves it!! There is never a good reason for anyone to deserve it!!  A 5^th grade girl should not have her skirt tugged at. A girl who barely wears a beginner’s bra should not have her delicate, not yet fully developed breasts mauled in public. A group of girls walking on the street need not hear catcalls and whistles. A woman enjoying the beach with her family should not suddenly find herself with some strange man’s member touching her and vile words falling in her ears. A relative should not be teaching the “fun” in life to any child. An old man, who barely has any strength or teeth in his mouth should not think it is okay for him to leer, touch, molest any woman just because!!

These are very few examples of incidents that have actually happened to a few of my women friends*³ who were willing to speak about their experiences. When they were describing these incidents, the looks on their faces and the fire in their voices said so much more than the words from their mouth. And to tell you the truth, they reflected the fury I feel inside of me.

It is time to talk about it girls. Talk about it to anyone and everyone who will listen. Talk about it to your friends and colleagues. Talk about it to your husbands and in laws and brothers and sisters and parents. Most of all, talk about it to your children. Teach them to be better, stronger, respectful, kind and considerate. Let us change this attitude and the best place to start is from our inner most circle. Let’s talk about it now because She Did Not Deserve it!!!

Sources and Links:

1. You Tube Video feat. Kalki Koechlin & Juhi Pandey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hC0Ng_ajpY
2. Wikipedia - Eve Teasing: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eve_teasing
3. The women I spoke with remain unnamed because they are so much more than just being victims of  molestation that it would be unfair to them if they are known only for that.
4. Image credit: thylovelyseed.tumblr.com post: life-by-george-herbert

Vegetarian in Texas

Yes! I am a vegetarian in Texas and maybe some of you don’t think it’s a big deal – believe me it’s an adventure in itself! A state which is famous for dishes like Breakfast Tacos, Chicken Fried Steak, Barbeque Beef Brisket, Pork Ribs, Hamburgers, Texas Chili, King Ranch Casserole and TexMex like Burritos & Fajitas – typically beef or chicken, what does a vegetarian do?!

But let me begin by explaining the difference between vegetarianism and veganism.

Vegans are people who have chosen to not eat any animal product – that includes seafood, eggs, dairy and any kind of meat. Some vegans, in protest of animal cruelty, refuse to use animal products like leather, wool, silk, fur, down and animal tested products.

On the other hand, Vegetarians are people who choose to abstain from any kind of red or white meat and seafood. Some of us do eat eggs and all vegetarians consume milk and milk products.

Now that that is clear, here is something else I came across in Texas which was new to me (having lived in a majorly vegetarian society most of my life):  A lot of meat eaters find a plant-based diet strange and in fact baffling.  There are so many misconceptions that they have about vegetarians, like – “Then you must be undernourished? Do you take supplements? Or you must eat all the time since how much can plants and veggies fill you up?” They keep looking at me with a huge question mark on their face, “So then what do you eat?!” Till date it cracks me up! I keep thinking, if I have been doing this for my whole life, don’t you think I have it down by now? And I am alive, healthy and thriving so stop looking at me like I might fall down and faint any second!!

Not that everyone is like that, but I have met a fair share of non-vegetarians who have not had the opportunity to know of a way of life which includes an absolutely different kind of cuisine and food groups. They don't know that fruits and vegetables can actually satisfy all of your nutritional needs and is in fact proven by research to be a healthier way of living (refer to link below). That it is not such an absurd choice but in fact a very humane choice – since it means avoiding killing and slaughtering of animals.

Thankfully, today there are so many choices available to vegetarians even in a state like Texas. (Let me specify here that within Texas, I have mostly been to the more cosmopolitan cities like Austin, Houston, San Antonio & the Dallas Fort Worth Area). The popularity of international cuisines has made vegetarian choices available not only in restaurants but also at grocery outlets. This means ease and choice for vegetarians. If I had moved to America 15 years ago, I would have had to cook everything myself, from scratch, and hardly ever go out to eat at restaurants. Trust me, I am so glad that wasn’t the way my life worked out!

Most eateries today have a few vegetarian dishes on their menu now. And most of them are willing to make substitutions in one or more of their dishes. Of course we have had a few misadventures too in our eating out ventures where, in spite of specifying, "no fish or meat", we might have something fishy or meaty put in front of us. And so, this really matters - and a vegan/vegetarian would really feel this - is that more and more now, the servers and the kitchen actually understand what we mean when we say ‘vegetarian’.  They actually remember to tell us that apart from the meat that we asked to substitute, there may be fish sauce or chicken stock in the side that we chose.. 

As the world is moving towards healthier lifestyle and the American society is getting more and more conscious of their youth, I have now noticed that several Kids’ Menus now have really healthy choices too. No more just meat, wheat and cheese combinations like pizza, mac n cheese or grilled cheese sandwich accompanied with canned fruit, fries, chips, cheese sticks etc. Now there are often real kids’ size salads, choice of sandwiches with veggies in them, pizza with toppings available (other than just pepperoni), soups are available and even for sides there are choices like steamed edamame, steamed broccoli and other veggies and real fresh fruits.

At this rate, I am hopeful that vegetarians and vegans will not have to pack lunches for themselves or their kids for work and school respectively because soon enough there will be enough choices available for everyone everywhere!

REFERENCES:

http://facts.randomhistory.com/facts-about-vegetarianism-and-veganism.html

Why do I love Murder Mysteries and Detective Stories so much?

It is so exciting when, at the end of a storybook, the mystery is solved and the culprit is found and punished for his crime. The suspense created by the authors of some of the books I have read has been ‘nail-biting’ and ‘hair-raising’ as they say in the reviews and book covers! I have stayed up nights and forgotten to eat meals for my love of murder mysteries. When I am in the grip of one, I am transported to the land and the time where it all happens. I am compelled to keep turning the pages to find out what happens next.

Nothing beats a juicy, suspenseful, intricately woven plot with all the complexity of the human nature and circumstantial phenomenon that would lead the crime investigator to the actual culprit. There is also a spine chilling revelation of how shallow and hollow human nature can be and how little it takes for one to kill another.

I love detective stories the most because, in these stories the protagonist will, with the help of her or his observation and deduction powers, come to some astounding truths and thus put the whole picture together, solving the whodunit with an adroitness and finesse that never fails to impress me. Of course the smarter the adversary or antagonist, the more exciting the story. I have always loved to hate the villain in the stories that I read.

Amongst all the books that I have read, I think Agatha Christie’s  books are by far my favorite. I love her creations Monsieur Poirot and Miss Marple. Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle comes a close second though. Both these authors have developed such extraordinary characters – these crime detectors! They are human of course with not one or two but several human faults – Poirot is strange in his own way with his quirks and his vanity always brought out in the mysteries whereas Sherlock’s idiosyncrasies and his restlessness, his abruptness with others and complete disregard for social norms and formalities is also shown as a part of his character in his stories. Since these super intelligent detectives themselves are shown as not above human peculiarities, these books are much more believable for me and the characters much more lovable. It makes it easy for me to want them to win against the bad guys.

I have been trying to analyze why I love murder mysteries so much. One reason I think is that it always has a happy ending. The Hero or Heroine always wins in the end, capturing the villain and throwing him or her to the authorities. The balance is back and justice is served. The second reason I think is that I love the process of solving the puzzle. It is the puzzle that needs to be intriguing for me to really love a murder mystery. The third reason I believe is my fascination with how the human mind works – I am amazed by the crookedness of the evil mind as well as the ability to conceive what the evil mind might have thought, and bravery of the sound mind. I am shocked by observing the lengths to which these fictional characters can go to – either to commit the crime or to find out who, what and why of the crime.

I do think that writing about such stories takes a different kind of genius and I thank all those fictional crime writers and the authors of the detective stories for working so hard in giving us exciting novels to read and enjoy in our daily lives, in our travels, in our moments of frustrations and in our times of peace!

The Queen….No, The Queen Maker!

Who am I talking about? No, no, it’s not a politician! I am talking about Mrs. Tarla Dalal the famous  food writer, chef and best-selling cookbook author, whose creations and published recipes have turned many wives, daughters, daughters in law and well, the truth is, even sons, into Queens... and Kings of the kitchen!

She changed the scene of cooking and the kitchens of India, introducing not just a huge variety or regional cuisine throughout the nation, but also international cuisine, into an ordinary Indian kitchen and into everyday eating.  She was so successful because she resonated with dozens and dozens of women all over the country and her strong sense of flavor and knowledge of the Indian palate blew the minds of everyone who ate creations made from her recipes.

In spite of having been cooking several different dishes from a variety of cuisines (and cookbooks) for the past decade, I have to say that every time I recreate a recipe from Dalal’s books, it feels like I am transported into my mom’s kitchen where as young girls, my sister and I used to try and cook some of her recipes on our own and with mom’s encouraging (but secretly scared for her kitchen) eyes on us!

When you prepare food by following her recipes, you do not get scared, overwhelmed or intimidated. Her recipes are easy to follow, well explained and so close to the taste of your family, it almost always is a success. No matter which one you pick, it is always delicious, winning you lots of praise from your friends and family. Now, if she earned you the title of ‘Queen of the Kitchen’, wouldn't you agree she is most definitely 'The Queen Maker’!!

Dalal has many feathers on her hat. She has written over 100 books that cover topics like baby food, regional cuisines of India, healthy as well as low fat food, international cuisine, fun and healthy food for children, desserts, drinks, snacks, and everything you can think of! She has her website, has had her own shows like ‘Cook it up with Tarla Dalal’ and ‘Tarla Dalal Show’, publishes a bimonthly magazine, ‘Cooking & More’ and has even been awarded the Padma Shree in 2007.

A sweet Gujarati housewife who transformed into a business woman, a celebrity and an inspiration to so many women and one of my personal heroes, I think Dalal has a lot to teach us. I would love to know what was her motivation, her struggle, her ambition, her life,  while she was on her way to success….

References:
Wikipedia: Tarla Dalal
Way2k.com: Master Chef Tarla Dalal

Hunt for The Perfect Jeans!

Finding jeans? Easy peasy I used to think! And yet, I had been looking for them forever!

In fact, the frustration of not having been able to find, for so long, jeans that are anywhere close to being called perfect, had brought me on the verge of despair!


I mean, since I quit pregnancy jeans, life has been at work and you know how that works: your body keeps changing, a little bit here, a little bit there.... It’s just not as easy to shop as it was when you were in college .So, as life demanded, every now and again I would go jean-shopping and have bought quite a few of them. But I have to say, I very rarely felt satisfied. A vague feeling of having compromised often sneaked in.


But heck if I was going to give in that easily!

I decided, enough is enough! No matter how hard they make it to find your jeans, I am not going to let the stupid marketing and advertising people of good jean brands win! I will do whatever it takes and hunt down my perfect jeans!'

And after searching high and low for jeans that actually fit and flatter, I had started to doubt if they are just an illusion sold to us by those fancy commercials of skinny girls that look like they live at the gym and are only fed once a week!! Felt like their only purpose in life was to get into those jeans!

Determined not to go wrong this time around, I decided to do some research and educate myself before taking on the challenge of shopping. While reading up, I came across several articles that helped me decipher the complicated world of jeans:

When you go to the store, I found out that it is immensely helpful if you are aware, can understand, and even better, talk, in the ‘Jean Jargon’! 

I also learned what kind of jeans suited my body type the best; which I have to say is half the battle – knowing What you are looking for! The material (as in stretch or cotton), color, wash, cut of the leg and waist are all key to your jeans fitting you well and making you look fabulous.
Armed with all this information, I set on my mission and began my search at the store, as decided in deep discussions with my girlfriends. After all, what sensible girl would go out to shop without discussing such a huge shopping dilemma with her girlfriends?!

As I stepped into the store this time, I felt confident for the first time, that this time, I Will find those illusive jeans. As I picked out jeans to try using all my newly acquired knowledge, I felt so good about myself. And when talking to the retail sales people about what I was looking for, boy did I feel smart! I could talk their language!! To cut a long story short, I did try out some good jeans and though I did not find them in the first store I stepped in, I did find them. And tell you what ladies, I am rocking it!! I only wish that the jeans sellers would not make it so complicated to buy good, well cut clothes for people who like to dress well but don't make it their life's mission to know all about the fashion world!

Anyway, here are some of the links I went through and found useful:

Overstock.com: Womens' Jeans Buying Guid
Womans Day: 6 Denim Dilemmas Solved
All Women Stalk: 5 Steps to Buy Perfect Jeans
All You: Denim Dos: How to Find Jeans that Fit Your Body Type (and Look Great!)

Happy Birthday Son!

You are turning seven today and you are now no longer my little baby!

You are so tall now - your head reaches up to my shoulder! I think in a couple more years I will have to use a stepping stool to kiss the top of your head!!

And you talk like such a big guy! You don’t ask me to point out the moon and the stars; now you want to know how many Galaxies are there and what is the Solar System.

You don’t need me to feed you mashed banana anymore, now you can make your own sandwich.

You no longer believe in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Clause. Now you are trying to understand God, religion and prayer.

Gone are the days of playing throw ball and guess the animal, now you play basketball and chess!

You don’t need me to read bedtime stories to you anymore, you got that. You can read your own bedtime stories! And they are no Pooh Bear stories either – nope! Now you read Avengers and Ninjago!!

Oh you have grown so much and so fast in these seven years my sweet baby! You may be ready to get all grown up big boy, but me, your mom, no I don’t think I am ready yet sweetheart. I want to hang on a little bit longer. I want to hold your hand for a little bit longer and read you bedtime stories for a few more nights and show you the moon and the stars and see the wonder in your eyes for a little bit longer!

What makes you the Best? Your Will or Your Talent?

Who does not love food? And to eat a delicious gourmet dinner at an upscale restaurant with gentle lighting and soft, beautiful music playing in the background, where you are attended to by the politest servers with uniforms serving you delicacies like lobster or caviar or quail’s egg or foi gras made especially for you by highly educated and accomplished culinary artists! Oh that your mind is gently taken on a journey of exquisiteness and intrigue…..

  

Pav Bhaji vendor on the streets Chandni Chawk, New Delhi.

But that is not what you see here! Oh no sir! This here, is street food, sold on the streets of New Delhi, India. This street delicacy is called Pav Bhaji, simply translated in English it would mean bread and vegetables.

The big round tava or flat pan is propped up on a makeshift stove that burns a huge flame. Surrounded by the pav, the bhaji in the center is being stirred vigorously by man dressed in a striped shirt and dull beige pants. Behind the other tava we see another man wearing brown pants, a shirt and sweater open at the front, roasting bread with his right hand, probably about to put it in the plate he is holding in his other hand, ready to be served to a customer. Between the two men we see an aluminum pan holding stacks of butter, some still wrapped in butter paper and the one on top open to be used to sear the bread. A couple of bricks seem to hold everything in place on the makeshift stove while the men cook and serve food to customers, most likely all evening, if not all day.  To serve this street delicacy the street vendors plate the vegetable curry, the bread, chopped onions, a slice of lemon and garnish it with freshly chopped cilantro and a blob of butter floating in the center of the bhaji.

Quite the anticlimax of a gourmet dinner I suppose. But, you will be surprised when you hear me say that this food can beat even the most expensive dinner you have had. Let me explain what this food is first of all. The Bhaji is boiled and mashed vegetables – mainly potatoes, cauliflower, carrots and green peas- cooked in a very spicy tomato-onion base, green bell peppers and lots and lots of garlic. Over here, when we talk about spices, I have to say that the combination of spices used are intense – powdered red chilies, cinnamon, cumin, coriander seeds, turmeric, cloves, bay leaf, and I am probably missing some but you get the gist. Like I said, quite intense!

Each bite of the bread dipped in the bhaji is a burst of flavorful fire and the familiarity takes you to the recesses of your mind where some of the most wonderful memories are stored. The hominess of this food makes the exquisiteness of foi gras very pale and flavorless. The profound flavors of this dish has the power to make your mouth and eyes water at the same time! But in this picture, besides the stove, we see part of a tin signboard painted in yellow and red, which states the name of an establishment and some of the items on their menu – sweets sold either chilled or frozen- set up right next to our pavbhajiwala (or pav bhaji seller) for obvious reasons!

The millions of street food vendors all over the world, selling cheap, quick and amazingly tasty food are usually so humble and yet so very proud of the food they make and sell to men and women in every walk of life. And they should be too! By making the same food day in and day out, they have mastered the art of cooking it to perfection and talented or not, they are simply unbeatable at that particular art.

As Geoffrey Colvin says, “The critical reality is that we are not hostage to some naturally granted level of talent. We can make ourselves what we will.” The vendor in this picture was not born with some uncanny talent in cooking street food. He has not attended any culinary school or had the privilege of any formal training. Yet he makes pavbhaji that is not just perfect, but it sells, and sells enough to make a profit. His aim is to be better than the competition. These street vendors are real examples for any of us who are aspiring to achieve expertise in any field. I could not agree more with Colvin that we do not need to depend on our talent to make us successful or excellent. We can become great just because we want to.

References:

Agarwal, Harsh. “A Street Vendor, Chandni Chowk, New Delhi.” Photograph.  Denharsh.com, 11 January 2011. Web. 21 April 2013.

Colvin, Geofferey. “What it takes to be great.”CNNMoney. Fortune Magazine., 19 Oct. 2006. Web. 21 April 2013.