Can You Forgive?

When people say ‘I forgive you’ what do they mean?

According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word ‘forgive’ means:

to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve

to give up all on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.)

to grant pardon to (a person)

to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one’s enemies

to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan

I wonder though, how many of us are actually able to do this. Don’t we all, most often than not, just pretend to accept an apology and but do not really ‘pardon’, ‘absolve’ or ‘cease to feel resentment against’ our wrongdoer. We keep thinking about it. We even let it turn into a wild raving forest fire in our hearts from the simmering ember that it was! And then we keep the fire burning by repeating the stories of our suffering to as many people as we can, as many times as we can. We feel proud in some morbid way that we suffered at the hands of another human! We do not release ourselves from the pain. Instead we work hard to keep the hurt in and let it turn our insides raw and painful.

We all do this at one time or another, whether we cop to it or not. But if we are truthful, we will be able to admit that we carry our anger, our resentment, for such a long time that when we look back it seems insane to think how much time we wasted on such trivia.

Louise Hay, the author of the book “You Can Heal Your Life” says: “Forgiveness means letting go. It has nothing to do with condoning behavior, it's just letting the whole thing go. We do not have to know how to forgive. All we need to do is be willing to forgive. The Universe will take care of the hows."

This is not a new concept for most of us! We have all heard this at some point in our lives. Forgiveness means letting go…………. But that is not quite as easy to apply in life. And even harder than that is to forgive ourselves! Not only do we hold on to useless and hurtful garbage thrown at us by other people, but we also have such a hard time forgiving ourselves for our own shortcomings as we see them and moving on!

Do we forgive ourselves when we forget to pay the bill on time or when we said something that we would rather not have said? Do we not blame ourselves even though we are sometimes the victims of other people’s meanness or inhumanity?

I believe most of us need reminding what it is to forgive time and again. I don’t think we all know, or remember (if we were taught right), what it means to forgive and why we should forgive. Of course, knowing what it is to forgive is not enough. Being able to practice that is what’s going to help us become better and stronger humans. The question is CAN WE?

If only there were a school where you were taught life’s lessons too along with your math, science and languages………We all need it!!

So Don't Want To Be The Butterfly!

Today while discussing something with a friend, he came up with this analogy that a butterfly represents a girl so well. He thought it would be so apt to say that a girl child is as beautiful as a butterfly. A very sweet thought one would think. But I  was so very surprised by my reaction to this! I hated that comparison! All my feminist instincts were totally ready for battle! I launched into this very very vehement and emotional argument with him about why this is wrong at so many levels!

We don't want to be seen as beautiful and fragile anymore! Because we may be blessed with beauty but we are most definitely not fragile! And if we are perceived to be so , we definitely do Not want to be that way! We want to be able to walk shoulder to shoulder with our men folk without feeling inferior in any way! Men and women together make this world. No man could do it alone! (Nor am I saying that a woman could!)

And if you think that you would promote the idea of appreciating a girl child in the society by comparing her to a butterfly, well please do not do so thinking that the butterfly is just this pretty and super-delicate insect whose only purpose in life is to make the world look beautiful. Because I bet the butterfly would very much resent that, considering how tough it's life is!! 

Beautiful as they are, the butterflies have to work so hard as a specie to protect themselves from all kinds of predators! Just so that they can maintain the balance on this earth and keep spreading the pollen everywhere they go. To think that the life of a girl is as bad as that? Everyone wants to catch a pretty butterfly  and show it off to others. Even children think it's fun to catch butterflies and put them in jars or stick them in books! Really!? How can anyone do that first of all?! And how can any human think like that about another human?!  We are not trophies, we are not burdens, we are just as human as any man in this world.

Most women are hardworking, patient, resilient, persistent and great at time management, planning and organizing - be they working the farms, running their own homes or running multi million dollar businesses! And all of us have strengths and weaknesses like any man that exists on this earth. Then why do people (and when I say people, I mean a whole lot of men as well as women) consider that women need 'burkha',  they need to be protected, they are something to show off, they have to behave in such and such way only. Why is it that a woman who speaks her mind is considered forward (in it's most negative sense)!

If people stopped comparing women with butterflies wouldn't it help stop rape and abuse! It isn't that women need to be protected. Women need to be respected. We should have the same rights as men. Why is it that men in so many cultures show off their bodies any how they please but no way can a woman do the same? Men run on the streets, parks and other public places in shorts and often shirtless. But even in the most modern of Western Societies a woman cannot get away with something like that!

In this society, it is okay for men to have any vices like boozing, smoking and even sleeping around! In fact, not only do they go scott free but often they are found bragging about such 'conquests' among other men! And the worst thing I have heard, is from women saying "He is a Man." as if that is his excuse! 

No I don't want to be a butterfly because I do not want to worry about the predators lurking around. I do not want to live in fear. I do not want to be raped or mentally undressed by anyone. I do not want to have to work twice as hard to get where a man would get in the work place just because its a "man's" world. I want to have the same chances and opportunities as men do. The same freedom, the same respect, love and affection. I want to enjoy my life on this beautiful earth just like every human has a right to!

Photo Credit: 
http://www.shootingfilm.net/2014/10/butterfly-fly-away.html

One More Public Shooting!!??

Over and over and over again: there is some news in the papers about a shooting. It’s as if, shooting in public and killing innocent people has become a fad! The media feeds on the horror of the crime committed! The more number of people dead, the bigger the news………It goes national, international!! There are several shootings every now and then even in small cities and towns where people have be injured or are even dead which does not make the news. But look for the statistics online and you will find it……!!Yes I understand that life is hard and in fact very very hard for some. But  what I don’t understand is when did our lives become so inconsequential? Humans are so cruel. It’s as if these people do not realize how hard it is to build and how easy it is to demolish. When such cruelty and brutality are wrought by our fellow humans, it is so hard to teach our children kindness, consideration and compassion. As a mother, I keep thinking, should I teach my child to be cautious, afraid, fearful of people or be welcoming, loving, kind and generous towards people? Is it not my job to protect my child from such atrocities and yet, how can I raise a good, confident, progressive human being if all I can teach is fear?!

I know there are so many gentle, kind and generous people in this world who try and teach so many good virtues and values in such simple and understandable ways to children. But is it working? Why in most cases is it working and yet in those few that it doesn't work, we seem to be creating monsters? How do these monsters evolve and become so powerful? Why is it so easy for them to lay hands on weapons of death and demolition? Why are the adults and responsible people around them unaware that something is wrong? Why are these monsters, of such young age, so very often? Young, frustrated adults and sometimes kids who are completely oblivious of the destruction that they are capable of causing.

I try to think that everyone is human, and everyone has a good day and a bad day.  But it is when you are having a bad day that your strength is tested. If so many people fail in this test then what kind of people are we? What kind of children have we raised? I feel so helpless at times and wonder: Can I protect my child? Can I? His Mom? 

A New Beginning

Since I was thirteen, upto about the time I turned twenty four, I used to write journals. Of course for the most part these journals were filled up with the typical melodramatic ramblings of a confused and frustrated teenager trying to adjust to the reality of life. Sometimes there were poems or the lyrics of my favorite songs or stickers of my favorite cartoons or simply more ramblings!

I wrote through middle school and high school and college and sporadically through the first year ot so of my marriage. But then, I stopped. I was overcome by life and it was simply too much! I had so much going on that I barely processed it in my head and there was absolutely no time left for me to write about it.

Eventually I started to feel like I was missing something. I began to itch for a way to express myself. I kept thinking of writing again....But unfortunately, I was standing in my own way. I did not realize that until now of course that it was my fears, or inhibitions or whatchamacallit that prevented me.

Long story short, after a lot of frustration and a lot of overcoming of inhibitions I came up with this blog so that I could write all my thoughts, my opinions, my wishes, my deliberation and my wonder.

Just like Dumbledore, this is going to be my pensive: a place where I hold all my memories and my thoughts. Where I can dip in a few years later and look at my part self, if for no other reason than just to see how far I have come since then.

This is where I want to record my journey - as a citizen of this universe, as a girl, as a woman, a student, a parent, a teacher, a child, an observer, a doer, a thinker, a writer and any other role that I might take up in this life as I grow.

So here's to a new beginning of the same journey!